Friday, February 15, 2008

that taste

i'm satisfied, deeply satisfied in a way that i haven't felt in some time. i got my applications in for grad school. i knew i'd be relieved; what i wasn't expecting was the sense of accomplishment. i wonder at the powers that worked against me, those internal hesitations, failures of resolve that stood in my way. i've been here before, and it was never this hard. sure, i always got behind, but i pulled everything together and maybe i'll have some options come this fall. i sincerely hope next year goes more smoothly. i may have to start now; well, if i start now that's really going to make it easy. eventually i'll get this down; like when you've been to so many job interviews you know how to play the game the right way. ok, i'll admit it - when it comes to that sort of thing, the confidence really comes when i know more than just what types of questions to expect. when i know i really can do the job, there's a sense of complete confidence that kicks in. i think maybe it's just a communication thing. when they explain themselves clearly enough to me that i know what i'm getting into and how i can fit their expections, i'm more likely to be able to get my point across as well. why is it that we can all accept jobs but shy away from relationships? oh, the whole financial incentive thing...that's gotta be it. i'm pretty sure i'd be unemployed if i could afford it. i mean, if i could afford it in perpetuity.

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