Friday, January 30, 2009

seriously, really

we use an application at work to extract data, and it has a bug that makes the first file you save each day unusable. why can't i just save the file in the trash? i know it doesn't ordinarily make sense to save files in the trash, but in this case, i'd be saving a step every single day. save file, it's already in the trash, save file again.

Monday, January 26, 2009

deal with it

under the net
-iris murdoch

an irresponsible writer wanders his way through london and an assortment of ridiculous situations. reckless, suspicious, and lazy about most important elements of his life, the protagonist is self-centered and scheming but remains endearing. having read 'the sea the sea,' i was amused by the fact that both novels are built around the misadventures of wordy, egotistical, male narrators. i like jake from 'under the net' a lot better, and it's interesting to note that the narrative excess that burdens the first several chapters of 'the sea the sea' is never a problem here. murdoch's dry humor and fascinating characters make this a thoroughly enjoyable read. it is in print, but this is not a book you can walk into a chain bookstore and pick up, unless you're lucky. i struck out three times before tracking a copy down with the help of the internets.

that cost good money

i was talking with some friends last night, and the subject of dreams came up. naturally, i had a particularly vivid and unnecessarily scary dream afterwards. i had a bunch of these tiny pet animals, sort of like toys but actually living, that i was struggling to help back to full health. the weird thing was that a few of them were scary, like lions and stuff. one was some sort of lizard, which, when it regained its health, started breathing fire and destroying an elaborate cardboard city i had constructed. so essentially, my dream was some freaky variation on a computer game that i was never good at, and it was really freaking me out while i was having the dream. so, in case you were wondering, when your cute pet lizardy thing is still half dead, you have to keep in mind that it will soon be breathing fire again once it's healthy.

i also had some sort of dream about fixing the fake sausage i bought last week, which is the first time i can recall being successfully vegetarian in a dream. usually, when i have had dreams where i'm conscious of my dietary preferences, it's been because i've mistakenly eaten meat. then i wake up and eventually figure out that it never happened, which is always a relief. i don't think i've had that type of dream in a while.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

we'll get it fixed

all right people, it's fixing time. stop whatever you're planning and buy an american car. maybe you don't have the cash; instead, write a check to the next bank you see advertisted on television. i'm not talking deposit; just make it out for a large sum, and mail it off, no questions asked.

ok, or buy some stocks.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

just feed me

today, i got made fun of for showing up at the office at 5pm and cleaning the refrigerator. later, i discovered a white powder on top of my zero proof salsa. what is going on?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


today is a turtleneck day. that means that when i unnecessarily put on a dress shirt and sweater, i made it a turtleneck. i own way too many items of clothing that i think is worthless 99% of the time and then find occasional pleasure in wearing. i probably haven't had this sweater on in over a year. that's just not sustainable.

Monday, January 12, 2009

no one needs more sugar, ok

please watch out. if erratic behavior on my part has increased, you must understand. i am being fueled by an experimental high technology sports-science beverage complex. they call it 'hot' chocolate.

cutbacks are for real

can we sell the smithsonian to help finance the bailout? i guess this wouldn't be the year to make the actual sale; let's wait and sell when the markets peak again, and just plow that cash straight into debt repayment. just a thought.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

a free tip

it made my life better, from the minute i heard it. pass on the wisdom.

sweet potato fries are excellent with sour cream. if you order some, just ask for sour cream on the side.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


football game tonight, thus it does not matter that:

i am an immensely talented musician

i can pick locks with my teeth

four of my closest friends have super powers

i once read a novel while hanging upside down from the chrysler building

my third birthday party was televised

at times, i find it difficult not to smile.