calm down again

i have some sort of obsession with doing things that other people wouldn't do. this is going to be hard to explain, because it's not like this is always going on with me; i swear half the time at least i'm just being myself. however, i caught myself earlier today thinking about some sort of hypothetical situation. after trying to puzzle over what i would do, i just thought, 'well, i hope that's different than what most people would try.' i have no memory of what it even was, but somehow my competitive streak combines with this desire to be different. it's not even necessary; odd ideas and actions seem to come naturally enough. apparently some of the funniest stuff i say is when i'm not joking at all. so if everyone's like this, how do we ever differentiate ourselves? it's easy to be like the one who wears shirts inside-out, but what if you had to be like the guy who only does that on opposite thursdays that have a record high temperature? see, everyone else would be pulling all this weird stuff too, and you'd have to outdo them. it shouldn't be a competition; i mean, maybe i need to take up some type of sport again. i could invent something, like something completely ridiculous, or just compete at something no one cares about. meanwhile, it's time to get back to normal. i have to stop leaving my roommates' parties early and reading in my bedroom. no more staying home on fridays to watch endless episodes of the same tv show. i'm done with this. i'm going to watch a bunch of foreign films and maybe go to a concert for like some rock band that gets played on the radio. maybe i'll apply to business school. oh, and ok, wanna know the big secret? i applied to four grad programs already this year.