Friday, July 24, 2009

taking, giving, finding nothing left

i took a big step today and broke one of the patterns that has served me best over the past few years. generally, i like to fit music to situations, and there is something chilling about the right sounds played in the lonely dark hours of the evening. while i may continue to acquire new albums that adapt themselves best to those moments, it is nonetheless impressive to me that i still find them valuable. tonight, i took the rare step of risking a listen to one of my prime late-night discs at a much earlier hour and, while this experiment has seemingly little cost, i was surprised how the music adapted itself to its new temporal surroundings. nonetheless, i now find myself finishing the evening far later than was necessary and yet still supplied with ample reserves of music that suits the occasion. perhaps it all goes back to today's strange discovery. having spent much of this week visiting family, i have seized upon the opportunity to shoot endless baskets, initially with an inconveniently deflated basketball. for days, i saw no reason for the need to bounce, dribble, shoot, rebound, and continue. finally this afternoon i noticed the exhaustion that this exertion had finally exhibited on my legs was, in an inexplicable yet significant fashion, satisfying. the whole time, perhaps, i had been building to the moment i would realize i felt as if i had walked all day. i suppose part of the feeling is a sort of sense of pride over putting in a more than merely solid effort. the question, of course, is a solid effort at what? i don't play basketball and have no plans to start; in fact, any practice i put in is most likely an effort to keep from missing too many shots the next time around. i suppose it's fine to have hobbies we don't pursue for the traditional reasons, and at some point soon, i'll probably go back to a full-time someone who can't play basketball.

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