Wednesday, December 26, 2007

the wearable atlas of clothing: shoes for males

shoes are one of the most important elements of any outfit. for one thing, you need two of them. generally speaking, you don't need two pair of pants, two t-shirts, two hats, or two watches. now, certain people make clever use of this fact by bucking the general trend. shoes, however, are the only thing you absolutely need two of, other than socks. you wouldn't need two socks if you didn't need two shoes.

today, i will go through the general categories of shoes necessary to be an excellent human being, if you are male.

first: sneakers
don't let anyone deceive you. sneakers are more important than anything. they can be worn with anything, and often can be worn in the modern workplace. please make sure you have the following:

-1 pr slip-on, preferably with an attractive design.
if you need to ask why, please don't. just get the shoes.

-1 pr running shoes designed in the 1980s, date of manufacture unimportant

-1-2 pr oddly colored or designed shoes.
these are impractical, and need not fit particularly well. ideal for parties.

-1 pr that looks as non-sneaker-like as possible.
for wear in snooty workplaces

-high performance athletic shoes as necessary given your sporting life.

-optional: one pair skate shoes, preferably somewhat non-huge-looking, preferably slip-on or velcro

second: casual shoes
if you do well here, you may not ever need dress shoes. you need these for the workplace, to keep them honest. maybe they think you wear sneakers every single day, but try to prove them wrong.

-1 pr slip-on.
if you ever travel, you will thank me for insisting on this.

-1 pr brown.
essential when masquerading as a preppy, or if you want to look good for a date. my old roommate insists you can wear jeans on a date and look like you dressed up if your shoes are nice

-1 pr black, possibly shiny.
this is where you can eliminate the need for dressier shoes. note that more than 2 pr casual shoes is absolutely unnecessary. do what you wish.

-optional: one pr oddly colored or patterned casuals.
maybe you can't wear sneakers to the workplace, but can they stop you from wearing pinstriped loafers? much less likely

third: boots etc
those who live in snowy climes or have an affinity for the outdoors will appreciate this one.

-1 pr sturdy hikers.
good for snow or the mountain trail. not absolutely necessary if you are clever/cheap/don't mind wet feet.

-1 pr flip flops.
you can't imagine how many places you might use these

-1 pr serious athletic-type sandals.
hey, some people really like them. why not?

fourth: dress shoes
i used to own a pair of these.
i think i lost them.

-1 pr shiny black.
likely uncomfortable and only useful for formal occasions. some of us got tuxes for christmas, you know.


Christina said...

i think you own more shoes than i do.

seth said...

if sneakers weren't so lovely, i would own fewer pair of shoes...but then my closet space probably has caused me to hold back a little in shoe acquisition. i probably own more tuxes than you also.