melancholy still makes a good muse

i was thinking recently i must be a bit down, because it seems my life is approaching chaos, but really i can't be that down. seriously, if i was fairly well sad, i think i would have posted a lot more frequently in the past two weeks. elation, joy, and surprise make good prose, but there's definitely been plenty of sorrow or angst that have fed my creativity. on the way home, i thought of a short story while i was walking by this subway preacher. i held my latest library read, a collection of essays by a writer who has profiled many musicians and athletes. as i passed the man who told us he knew where he was going if he died tonight, i thought what might happen if i handed him what i knew. yes, i was thinking of the Book of Mormon, but i suddenly had this idea of a short story where this subway commuter hands this novel, with a note on the cover saying "return by 12/14" to the preacher. the commuter is silent, appearing suddenly from the crowd and fading back into the passing mass. he has left this gift, however, which changes the preacher's life. i imagined the process of writing this story. i thought how certain scenes would reveal the world of this religious man, the meetings he attends, the announcements on the bulletin board of his church. i thought of this part of the story, and how i couldn't really write it, at least not without some first-hand research. i thought of the scene as a sketch - the forms laid out for now in general shapes, waiting for details and shades and colors to be added. i liked this new way of conceptualization. i kept walking, and thinking about had just gone on in my head. i thought maybe i should be a writer. that thought felt good. i thought that i wouldn't really know what to write about. i thought that i wouldn't really know where to start or necessarily want to deal with the struggles of becoming a writer. then i figured i could always figure all of that out in my spare time. it doesn't really matter how many of us there are who think things like this. right now, i don't think the soda industry is the answer for me other than it's fun, it pays, it provides benefits, and i'm still learning. i'm not sure what i really think about the concept of success, but half the time i feel like i should find something that matters to me. when i was thinking about being a writer, maybe i forgot to think that i wouldn't necessarily want ot write about anything that important.