Saturday, May 16, 2009

economies of style: hatwear

before i would start, i would like to thank the makers of my mail-order 2.5lb PC for including a utility that always turns on the built-in firewall after i have waited an unnecessarily long time for my wireless to connect. they must have thought 'hey, i know people like you are going to shell out $69 for a virus/evil/spyware protection utility to keep your machines out of trouble, but in case you're idiots, here's a function you won't be able to figure out how to disable that will protect you.' fellas, believe me, if it wasn't for the fact that you hit the price/tininess/shrunken screen coefficient right on the nail, i wouldn't be using your product in the first place.

it has come to my attention, upon reading my past few credit card statements, that even frugal individuals such as myself are effected by spending habits that veer out of control when brothers-in-law call requesting we purchase eight tickets for the game or when we mysteriously destroy our reliable 5lb miracle laptops, purchase ridicu-cheap aged replacements off ebay, purchase accessories for said replacements, and return from two-day trips to new york city to discover that we now own $100 coasters with $80 worth of brand new accessories. let me tell you, coasters need neither li-ion batteries nor power adapters, but apparently they can drain said batteries when inadvertently left sleeping in an effort to preserve my work in an operating system they will hardly ever be able to boot. in shorts, even the best of us have been known to fail.

this brings me to today's topic, or instead to an apology to actual new york-based readers of my blog. you may be disappointed or perplexed by the fact that you did not see me during my two-day stay in your fine city, so let me offer the following disclaimer. unless you fall into one of two categories: people who asked me to kill mice at their apts or former sunday school teachers i ran into on the street, i didn't see you while i was in the city. ok, i guess, i also saw one fellow virginian's older brother, but only because he was visiting the apartment with the mice. also, if i only saw one of my former sunday school teachers on the street, then i smiled at a random woman who smiled at me for pretty much the only time in my life; it can be hard to tell people's identity for certain when they are on their mobile phones. i figure at this point it is safe to offer that if you live in new york city and are still reading this, i would be happy to visit you if you only reach out to arrange for my arrival at a time that is convenient to you. with that, i will fail to discuss anything related to economies of style.

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