Wednesday, February 04, 2009

reductions have arrived

i am sorry to report that i will be cutting my staff. first off, as head writer, i will now take a salary of nothing, and all freelance contributors will be paid in salted sunflower seeds. my design staff quit when i asked them to work pro bono, so i will now take over responsibility for the look and feel of the site. i quietly axed my personal shopper last weekend, which explains why i have been seen at area malls more than might be expected. my it staff has been empty for quite some time, as i let them go last summer when they repeatedly claimed they didn't know how to enable a blog roll for me. any future political commentary will be backed up by my own fact finding efforts, following the departure of both members of my research department. i am still attempting to fill a position on my legal team, as well as an unpaid staff writer's slot. the anthropologists behind 'ask an australian' never were permanent members of the team, although their contributions are missed. over the years, i have attempted numerous times to hire a literary critic, but they always quit when i talk about cormac mccarthy for an entire week.

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